Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
