what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
