I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
