failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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