the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
