i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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