They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
