i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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