1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
