His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
