I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
