Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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