There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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