Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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