that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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