Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
