is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
