I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
