I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
