So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
