you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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