Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
