You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
