The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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