Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
