I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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