did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
