dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need to sanitize my soul.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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