i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
