My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
