Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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