new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
