My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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