We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
