I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
