I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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