Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
