Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
