he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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