his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
