I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
