I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
