some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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