I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
