My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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