I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
