why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
