Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
