Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
