I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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