Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
