i'm signing you up for texting rehab
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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