I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
